You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
