Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
