My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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