Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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