Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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