i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
