Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
