Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
