need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
