I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
