make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
