SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am midnight drunk by noon
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize