Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
