If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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