I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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