I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
