you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
