I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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