HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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