apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
