So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
