This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Watching her eat just hurts me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
