Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
