someone threw a dead crab at me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
