would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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