I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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