Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
