I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
