ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
