Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he shaved USA in his pubs
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
