I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I touched a dick in church today
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
