Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
