I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
