You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
