I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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