I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
