do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
