Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
