I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
