I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
