It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
