Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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