omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
