I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
