Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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