I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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