I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Say something about gay babies.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize