chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
