Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
