bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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