nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
