I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
