I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize