Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize