we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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