omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
