i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
