you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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