there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
