Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
