I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
