So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
