I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
