Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
this boner is exhausting
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
