he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize