The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
