I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
