What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
