hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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