Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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