Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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