Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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